just another day

Well the world didn't end and my house didn't fall down after sitting doing practically nothing yesterday. Tomorrow evening I am having my Edie pops to stay over so her Mummy and Daddy can celebrate New year with friends. The first time Holly has left Edie overnight so I think stress is building, even though she is quite looking forward to having a lovely child free evening. I suggested just now when she called me that she remembers to bring everything Edie will need, Food! etc. Not that we don't have food but its good that she has what she is used to, MUM would I leave her for the first time without bringing everything she needs?................to be continued .......we shall see lol

I love this picture

Lazy day.....but much accomplished

Hi there, I have had such a day. Started the day, quite early. Read my bible, kindle, e.mails, Facebook, write in Blog, caught up with the girls on WCP and other bookmarked sites pausing for food at lunch and my goodness now its tea time. WOW not sat still for this long in ages, what a refreshing change. I have learned so much today about ploughing through the despair that is widowhood. I used to hate that word, but since meeting the ladies and reading their stories it has become a comfort. I am trying to link together in my mind movement between the blogs and sites instead of it just being a random thing,and also attempting to brighten up my page. There are so many beautiful ones that simply make me smile. I would like to make people smile. New Year is nearly upon us and I can't bear the thought of letting this one go, but I will have my little one to look after over night that will keep me occupied.

An unanswered ?

I have been so grateful for the wonderful WCP and widows blogs that have been my constant companions recently. The only sadness is that I have not come across anyone yet that had an unsaved spouse, not that I would want any of the ladies to experience that pain what I mean is are there no women out there on WCP who were not married to lovely Christian men. My David was a lovely man but had not accepted Jesus as his saviour during life and I will just have to trust God for his state after death. This has been one great big barrier for me in the first 3 months after David died. The sites out there for 'widows of the world' are not where I want to be at this time, although, I have not actually come across any as yet.

Follow????

Hi there, today I have been trying to update my Blog. Believe me I need to be quite computer literate, as I am an office administrator, but this has beaten me ( up to now). Trying to put on my page the other ladies blogs I follow to promote their wonderful words is proving to be my nemesis. Iso want everyone who sees mine to look at theirs for encouragement and inspiration. Now, I know some people can see mine because I have had a couple of comments so I got through the initial set up ok (I think). Well it keeps my mind busy instead of sitting beating myself up and missing my lovely man.

On the subject of Life after......people keep saying, oh its going to be tough this first Christmas,  do the best you can etc etc. but everyday is tough and I can't see it being any worse than today of yesterday or tomorrow but they have me worried now! Lord God it can't be any worse, can it?

I'm hope I will be able to get through and that I will DO Christmas just as well as WE did, but different.

May the Lord bless you as you read this and bring you the Peace that passes understanding during this week and into 2012. A year that will be different for us all. God Bless xxx

Next Step accomplished :)

Today I went to church and actually enjoyed it. This might seem an odd thing for a Christian Woman to say but grief does strange things Thank you God for your word brought to me by Christian Women.

Trust Me....

Oh Lord I'm trying to.

Feeling better or different?

Hi everyone, I am not sure if I just feel different or I am dealing better with the devastation. I think my brain has chosen to ignore the fact that David is not here so that I can carry on as normal. I must say the Widows Christian Place daily encouragement are such a blessing and the GriefShare e.mails also help so much.They bring me back into line with God's word and my anger towards God is subsiding. Thank you to Ferree for wisdom sent to help me with my concerns about David's salvation, that was my main area of pain and anguish but thanks to a different view on biblical teaching I have been able to see things in a new light. My children are all dealing with David's death in their own way and its hard to leave them to do that. I pray that you are finding help wherever it comes from , God will send it in the right way for you to be comfortable with. God Bless xx

Music soothes....

I have steered myself away from music recently as each time I listened I cried, I adore most types of good music and David was an Opera and Classics man, but today I listened to the new CD from The Military Wives and wept but still bought it, so it can get to Number One in the Brit charts by Christmas. For those of you not in UK who don't know Gareth Malone the Choirmaster and what he does on the TV over here, take a look at his web site if you have a minute. Anyway, I was feeling really bad because I didn't want to go to church, because of the worship, which I usually love. It made me feel uncomfortable. I recently downloaded the Kindle book - God of all Comfort by Dee Brestin, and she put it perfectly that 'when we hurt we don't feel like singing happy - clappy choruses. They can feel as abrasive as sand thrown in your eyes' Just how I felt. This helped me to see that it was ok to feel how I was feeling! Thanks Dee. Hope your day has been another foundation step xxxx

Clawing my way up the muddy slope.

Having spent the last week reading blogs and looking at websites and book recommendations I am clawing my way up the muddy mountain which is my life at the moment. Although I am learning that each loss is different they are all the same in that the pain of losing a spouse is the most painful and heart wrenching feeling ever.
I so appreciate the internet more than ever, and I have always been a fan.
I live in the UK and it seems that there are not many (if any) sites like WCP or Grief share and similar sitesso I am grateful to my American sisters for all the work done in this area. I think the English reserve come in to play somewhere here.
I am also edging closer to God again, although I didn't lose my faith, I held Him responsible for the way David's life came to a close, after 6 months of great suffering we just wanted a gentle peaceful end, anger towards Him was my first and last emotion. I pray that I will be able to turn back to face my Heavenly Father and His son, as we celebrate Christmas this year it will be the birth of Jesus back into my life and to begin to understand. Bless you girls xx

Super sensitive or high expectations

Well that weekend went well, Not! How to react when told that people at church find me difficult and don't know how to approach me? (after two months of suddenly becoming a widow) Now maybe I am being a bit too sensitive here but what do they expect? I am being made to feel that I should be worried about how MY situation is affecting other people - well pardon me for grieving. Is it any wonder us Christians get a bad press? I must admit the week after David dies, that after 6 people in as many minutes asking me if I was 'all right' the next one, just happened to be a close friend so I responded with ' well that's a b****y silly question, which to my surprise I found out yesterday that she was one of them. Amaaazing! Rant over for today xx

Saturday!

What to do on a Saturday? Saturdays were always mapped out for us a my day of rest as Sunday at church was usually really busy. Now what do I do.I put the radio on as usual and listen to the shows that we/I listened to together or while I was waiting for David to get up after a well deserved lie in. Do I go to the shops and risk spending more than I have? Do I visit friends/family? Do I slump in  front of the footy and complain about the ref as we used to do. We are/were a sports mad family.I think I'll invite my son out to lunch, maybe he'll want to spend more time with his Mum (he still lives at home). I'll be back later to tell you what we did. Have a blessed day everyone whatever you choose to do. Trying to remember that it's now my choice not ours.

First Steps

I was reading through WCP (Widows Christian Place) and it suggested creating a Blog of my own so here it is. This is my first Step.