Salvation........or not?

It's difficult to know where to start, when writing a discourse on whether someone was saved or not, even if that someone was the closest person in life (and death) to you.Where to start?

Well I have always known God but did not know Jesus as my Lord and saviour until 1992, 12 years into my marriage to David. I could write at length about how David supported everything I did within the church and was always there in the background, but never at a service apart from something special, he even read my Baptismal verse, now how amazing was that?? When there were events to be attended or managed. He has supported the church financially , physically and in many ways over the years.

Now, when it comes to believing in a God, he always said he didn't know, and, actually confessed to me that he would have liked to have a faith but, David being a logical, intellectual sort of man had to dissect things he could believe what he couldn't see, very like Thomas!! He loved visiting old church buildings cathedrals etc. We have a lot in the UK. He also had a very catholic taste in music and his favourite piece which always reduced him to tears is Mahler's 2nd the Resurrection, which I had played at his funeral service and if you get the opportunity to read the words that were put to the music they are quite amazing for someone to be moved so dramatically who does not believe.

When David became ill, the church prayed and visited, they showed the love of Jesus by doing all they could to make our lives as bearable and easy as possible. The Pastor became a frequent visitor along with other church members who gently spoke to David about God, His word and salvation. David was mostly very respectful of peoples opinions,a very laid back patient sort of chap and was happy to listen and also accept scriptures that I felt God had given me to read to him. The Word that God gave to me as David was diagnosed is Psalm 107 vv17-22. 'Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities. They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth His word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men Let them sacrifice thank-offerings and tell of His works with songs of joy.'

David's illness began by losing his appetite,  the very thing he had always enjoyed, I am quite a good cook, encouraged to experiment by David since the day we were married and when we had anything to celebrate we went out to eat, we attended lots of farmers markets and food shows during our 33 years together. So you can imagine my shock on receiving this verse. It came just out of the blue the day before he was admitted to ICU in February 2011, 7 months before he passed away, the time I call 'the beginning of the end.'

I asked him many times to ask Jesus into his life and he always said he couldn't be a hypocrite. A very well read, intelligent man, there was no antagonism about my faith or bringing up the kids in the church when they were small, I have many saved friends whose husbands will not even speak about God, so in that way God blessed me so much with a tolerant, loving, honest and understanding husband.

People visiting David in his last days have tried to comfort me by saying they believe he came to know God but I am sure my heavenly Father would have found a way to let me be at Peace about it if that was the case.

It has been so hard to imagine that I will not see Him when I get to heaven, as after the months of suffering the end came very suddenly and I was not prepared at all. 

Although I have lost other family members, my mum died 6 years ago suddenly and God showed me something that I acknowledged as a sign my mum made her peace with God, but two years later my Dad passed away, although I was estranged from him at the time and wasn't told of his death until recently, I could be fairly sure he didn't, I feel sad about that but could do nothing about it.

I could go round and round in circles about this but the only word of comfort God gave when I asked was 'TRUST' which I am doing. I cannot guess what actually happens at the time of death and why after giving me this lovely man, (and that is another story all together)  God should take him way in this cruel fashion. 
I only know that God loves me and there is more left for me to do alone.

God Bless you for reading this xxx Linda